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01:48pm 26/12/2007
mood: SPICY
Who got tickets to go see the Spice Girls?

Me, that's who.

Yup. Goin' to see the Spice Girls at Madison Square Garden.



(5 words | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

05:15pm 24/12/2007
So my aUnt and myUncle are HERE fcom sScotland.

theybrought lots of gin. Gin and tonics, ginandtonics, Gin and toooncis.

We sing now.

We willll follow Raaangers!

Gin isgoood gin good gin gin gingingin.



Merty Christmas!


ps: This is TOTALLY why Jesus was born, yinz.

(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

A Low Point   
02:05am 20/12/2007
  So just like a second ago, I called Pub Safety.

Here's my impression of what happened.

Me: Man, I love washing dishes and listening to Disney songs.

House: Creak.

Me: No, this is not Scream!

House: Creak. Mild thump.

Me: Right, I'm callin' pub safety.

Phone: Someone cut my cord for no reason! I don't plug into the wall!

Me: Right, I'm callin' pub safety.

Operator: You're scared of the house? *mild giggle*

Me: Fuck you! Where the HELL is Pub Safety?

Pub: Hi. Yeah, I'll go check under the bed.

Me:....Yeah, thanks.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

03:35am 04/12/2007
mood: tired
Ok, all I want for Christmas is Spice Girls tickets.

I'm not even kidding you, every day this concert sounds more appealing. It's getting bad.

Also, it looks like I'm going to have to have serious work done to this computer, if not out and out replacing it. Good bye Spain.



(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

04:53pm 02/12/2007
mood: amused
Right, so it's finals season. Therefore my computer is feeling the need to disintigrate. I think it does this every fucking year, too.

On the plus side, I've been having a really good year. A bunch of my darling friends (notably Rami) and me got hella smashed and had drunk fight time. I got the shit kicked out of me several times and and a rousing good time was had by all.

This has lately been the trend. I go hang out with friends instead of doing work and drunk fights ensue.

Maybe I'm just a violent person?


This is disjointed.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

10:46pm 25/11/2007
  I've started running.

I feel like when I say this people assume some things. First, they assume I'm in good shape, and that I do this regularly and nigh obsessively. Remarkably few of those assumptions are true. I like to run, I've always liked to run and doing it on a regular basis just feels right.

That said, I am not in good shape. I can't run a mile in one sitting. I can do about half a mile, maybe more and then I have to get some water and breathe for a little bit. It's getting better slowly.

Anyway, when I told Dirk about it, he sounded very happy about the whole endeavour and asked me lots of questions, most of which I didn't have answers for, given that I'd been running for like two days at that point. I was at home a couple days ago, and he'd sent me some running shoes.

It's the nicest gift ever. Running's in the family. Dirk runs, his brother(s) run, my cousin runs, and I think his mother ran or something. I think he sees me as continuing a family tradition. I don't think it's that serious.

I just like running.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

04:46pm 03/11/2007
mood: sprained
Yesterday, I fell in a hole.

I was walking back from Atkins in the dark and feel in a hole.

I sprained my ankle.

It hurts.


(1 word | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

12:30am 28/10/2007
  So I've been on anti-malarial drugs before, and that shit's supposed to give you crazy dreams, but those dreams were NOTHING compared to what I've been having recently.

Last night, my brilliant subconcious came up with two doozies. In the first one, my right shoulder was covered in these weird skin growths. One was a tube of skin, about as large as my fist, maybe a little thinner, and several other gross growths. I didn't notice them until my mother pointed them out. For some unknown reason my shoulders were bare the whole dream. It really panicked me, and people would point them out through the whole dream. It was disgusting.

The other dream I had was about my ladybug infestation. Except instead of ladybugs, they were green parakeets. I came back into my room, to find them hanging from the ceiling and off the drapes and whatnot, and on the ground, crawling out from under things, and I fed them bread, which disintigrated whenever I touched it. One of the parakeets had four eyes. One on one side, three on the other in a row. These three three shiney eyes in a row. It was really frightning.

They were really strange dreams.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

Mates of State   
10:50pm 24/10/2007
mood: lonely
So I just went to the Mates of State concert at Iron Horse.

Yeah, not the best investment of my life, but fun.

They're not very good performers. They just kind of sit there playing. They don't even really interact much with each other, which I suppose was good, given that they're married and like totally in love with each other OMGZ. The audience was PDA-ey enough for my taste thank you. It was kind of nuts, it was like date night in Northampton. Given that I've been feeling pretty painfully single recently, it was totally nice to have my face rubbed in everyone else's relationship happiness. FUCK OFF the load of you.

Anyways, the concert was short, they don't have much stage presence, they didn't interact much with the audience, they only played one song I didn't know, and they didn't put much effort into entertainment. But I still kind of liked it.

Didn't love it though.

Right, I'm done.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

10:22pm 21/10/2007
mood: terrified
I was wrong. Completely wrong.

This is the worst day of my life. I'm freaking out.

I'm going to sleep elsewhere.


(3 words | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

I swear this isn't morbid. Really. Think whimsey.   
07:17pm 21/10/2007
mood: whimsical
I was gonna make this a ps, but it has no relavence whatsoever to the previous post. Also, I don't think people read long entries.

Today, I was listening to the Spice Girls, and I realized something about myself. I hope I never lose my sense of whimsey. I hope I never get to the point where I don't want "Viva Forever" played at my funeral.

I also hope they don't have a viewing. I don't want to be embalmed.

In another not, I hope they play Johnny Cash's "Peace in the Valley" too. I fucking love that song.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

05:42pm 21/10/2007
mood: amused
This morning I woke up to find my room infested with ladybugs.

They land on me, they cling to the ceiling, they crawl on the walls, and they roost in my drapes.

If they weren't so adorable, I'd've gooshed them all already. As it is, most of them have worked their way back out. I'm not sure how they got in, the screen is in there pretty tightly, but they seem to have it pretty well figured out. Apparantly ladybugs are not only cuter but more intelligent than flies.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

Fulfilling my Civic Duty   
03:34pm 18/10/2007
mood: hungry
So today, I woke up early.

Very early. Like seven o'clock early. Generally, I'm not up for about two and a half to three more hours, and those hours make a lot of difference for me.

I got my fat, lazy ass out of bed, got in the shower, got dressed (all in forty minutes, what?) and woke up Liz to give me a ride...

To the courthouse.

No, I didn't get arrested, although it would be funny if I did, I had jury duty.

Jury duty, while being one of the important corner stones of the American Democratic and Judicial systems, is really, really boring. First you stand in line to check in. Then you sit down for a couple hours, while a court officer makes bad jokes and then tells you you're not actually necessary.

I sincerely wish I'd been able to actually serve on a jury. I really do believe in the American democratic system, and I believe that we need to participate in it to its fullest extent if we want to get anything done in this country. As far as I'm concerned, the best way to improve the country we live in isn't revolution, it's dissent and participation. Only through participation, can you gain respect and an intimate knowledge of how things actually work.

Anyways, my nobel attempt at democratic particpation ended at eleven thirty this morning. When they told me I wouldn't be needed.

My democracy doesn't love me.


ps-I'm getting my hair feathered tomorrow. If you're very nice you'll get pictures.

(3 words | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

10:48pm 23/09/2007
mood: contemplative
Is it bad that I'm sort of considering plastic surgery?

Nothing major, not breast implants or a nose job or anything, I'd just like to have the skin around my jawline tightened up. I don't have a very good jaw. I tend to look like I have no jaw in pictures, which makes me look like I have a very fat face.

Am I shallow?


ps: Keep in mind I've also considered converting to Catholicism, and Judaism. And joining a convent. Point is, it's not really likely.

(8 words | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

07:29pm 21/09/2007
mood: content
So tonight, I have no idea what I'm going to do. And it's not because there's nothing to do, it's because Lauren and her friends are cooking and drinking.

And Zach and Liz are playing video games and drinking and probably ordering wings.

And Adam and his friends are playing music.

And Will and his friends are being lovely.

And I'm invited to all of them.

And there's only one of me.



(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

10:25am 11/09/2007
mood: content
There are some things I've been meaning to write about for the last couple weeks, and have simply neglected to, so I might as well get them out of the way. They're just images and fragments, but for some reason I found them memorable.

First, I've been remembering my dreams. Last night, I dreamed about a whale at a zoo. I've been looking up whales for the past ten minutes and it wasn't a real whale. It was kind of like a Beluga, but blueish grey, and significantly larger. It's enclosure wasn't nearly large enough, and for some reason, there were stairs separating the upper and lower tanks of it. The whale was swimming up and down these stairs, and I pulled a little girl out of the tank. I wish my dreams were more beautiful. The whale was beautiful in this one, but it was trapped. The point is, that I've never remembered my dreams with any frequency before, and now I do, and it makes me happy, even when my dreams are weird.

A couple days ago, I dreamed about eight people eating dinner, all dressed very well, but sitting around the table my modmates stole. Tyra Banks was there, and someone came up behind her and stabbed her in the base of her skull, in what I suppose would be her medulla oblongata, with a particularly large knife. I have no idea who did the stabbing.

I wonder if dreams actually do mean things, or if they're just reflections of what I've been thinking about. I can propose meanings for the dream about the whale, but not for the dream about Tyra getting shivved.

The next thing I wanted to mention was the chipmunk I found in our mod.


I was walking into the mod about a week ago and there was a little chipmunk sitting on the floor of the mod. I said hello to it, and one of my modmates came up, saw it and went "OHMYGOD, there's a CHIPMUNK in the mod!" and everyone came running. The poor little thing was trapped between my modmates and me, didn't know where to run, and eventually scurried between my legs. Honestly, who wouldn't want something that cute in your house?

The last thing was that yesterday it poured and I needed to go to the store for some food. No one was driving, so I just went to Atkins market. To get there, one must walk on a path in a corn field. I walked through a cornfield in the rain, with my enormous umbrella, listening to a Bach cello sonata. Somehow, in spite of corn leaves hitting me in the face and getting my legs all wet, it was beautiful. I imagined the scene in a movie, the parting corn, the rain, the Bach, seeing it from the perspective of the person parting the corn, and then from above, my blue and yellow umbrella making its way through a sea of corn, the rain pouring down. It was a beautiful moment, and I wanted to share it.

Right, I'm done


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

10:13pm 02/09/2007
mood: apprehensive
So it's been a while since I last posted, and I'm going to take a leaf out of good blogger's... er... pages and actually review what I write, and kind of plan it out.

I'm going to talk about two things today: California and my new mod room. Not in that order, at all.

My mod room is friggin' HUGE. We're talking roughly double sized. But it's just me. I don't know how it happened, but I picked the good room. Like, a lot. Unfortunatly, I've already run out of room for my shoes. This is because I've reached heights of materialism previously unknown to mankind. Does this make me a bad person? No. Does this make me a fiscally irresponsable, weak person? Yes. Utterly.

Thus far I'm the only person living on the third floor, but my luck will not hold, and I will soon have neighbors. No one knows who they are yet, and I'm hoping for the best. It's unlikely, but I may wind up with some decent people living with me this year. Hey, a girl can hope right? And Hampshire can't be an utter wasteland, can it?

Onwards. California.

As many of you know, I spent twoish weeks in California this summer, specifically in the San Francisco/Oakland area. As many more of you know, I'm adopted. So, putting two and two together, I was visiting my birth family, who live in Cali. My birth family consists of my birth parents, Dirk and Adrienne, and Adrienne's three kids and husband, Cameron, Una, Declan, and James respectively.

I spent most of my time living on Adrienne's futon. Every morning I was woken up by my lovely half brother Declan. Declan is nearly three, and he wakes up rather early. Seven thirty early. He would come through to the living room, first thing and climb into bed with me. There is nothing more lovely than being woken up by a delightful little two year old who is wildly happy to see you. I was utterly charmed by him. Given that he turns into a whining nightmare whenever he is presented with food, and he does, that's quite an accomplishment. He's a perfect little brother.

Una is great! I love toting her around on my back. She's eight and a half and acts her age. She's funny, and witty and charming and smart. She's incredibly energetic and vivacious, and I'm so frustrated I don't get to watch her grow up in a more effective manner. I can't wait to see what she's like as a teenager.

Cameron is so grown up and independent. I was nowhere near that mature at twelve, I don't think I'm as mature as he is now! He's so impressive and smart. Really, they all have me wrapped around their fingers.

They are abysmal liars, though. I asked them to not tell Adrienne that I paid for my movie fair, and they failed. I asked them to keep Adrienne from walking into a store where I was buying her a gift, they failed. Really someone needs to sit down with these kids and teach them the finer points of selective omission of truth. Dishonesty is a wonderful thing in a child, and they need to have that explained to them.

The feeling of having family members you've never met, people you don't know, and are slightly afraid of telling you they love you, and have always loved you, even if they only learned you existed today, and accepting you for who you are and being excited to meet you is overwhelming. I don't know if I learned anything about my own self worth this summer, but I did learn how vast family can really be. My grandmother, for instance, nearly made me cry. This woman I've only met three times loves me! She really does. She's fantastic, and brilliant and she loves me!

This trip is the first time Dirk's told me he loves me.

I don't know what that means to you, but it means a lot to me.


(1 word | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

12:03pm 20/07/2007
  So, I have tons of things to talk about, and I'm not sure I want to talk about any of them. I think this needs an overhaul. I'm not sure how. So today, I'm going to lift an idea from my friend Bailey and call bullshit on things. A list of things, to be precise.

Things I call bullshit on:

1) Feist, The Flaming Lips and especially Mates Of State.

Feist provides the opening theme for a new Lifetime original series called "Side of Life". The song "1234," which is one of my favorites. As I'm typing this, she has an ad on VH1, she's a VH1 "You Oughta Know" artist. I hate the world.

The Flaming Lips have an advertisement for HP. Their new colorful computers have a Flaming Lips song in the background. I don't know which one, I don't recognize it.

Mates Of State pissed me off by advertising for... I think it's AT&T. Why???

This pisses me off because practically every band I like advertises now. Isn't anyone in it for the music anymore? I call bullshit on all of them. And honestly, Feist, Lifetime??? Couldn't they at least pick good products to sell out for?

2)The word "Botannicals". Keep in mind, I work at Whole Foods, so that seemingly meaningless word amounts to a pile of bullshit. What the fuck is a botannical???? First there's fucking essences and extracts, and now we have botannicals. And they're all the wonder cure for EVERY ailment under the sun. Who knew? No one needs perscriptions anymore, we just need botannicals. And lots of them. In a variety of styles.

3)Harry Potter spoilers. Why would you do that? Where's the enjoyment? Where's the fun? You're just ruining it for everyone. I cannot wait to read it, and I dont' want to hear a damn thing about it. I'M SO FUCKING PUMPED!!!

There's something utterly incredible about this new VH1 show, Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Bret Michaels is HILARIOUS.



(2 words | Let's burn these candles to the ground)

Total Clerks Mode   
12:28pm 02/06/2007
mood: geeky
So I'm watching "The Spy Who Loved Me" right now, and having similar thoughts to the ones I have watching most James Bond Movies, where do all these henchmen come from?

Like in "Star Wars" the Empire is the government. The Storm Troopers are government employees, which explains why they're willing to kill people and whatnot. They're soldiers and they're at war, it stands to reason. In the James Bond movies, almost without exception, the people shooting at him are soldiers for hire. The dastardly scheme in this particular movie is that the villian wants to start a new world order and will nuke large parts of the world in order to start it. There is no ransom.

My question is: where'd he get all the random guys in red shirts? (Also, what is it with movies and guys in red shirts?) Like, they must all be sufficiently disaffected or psychotic to want to nuke major cities. This means they must have some pretty serious psychological problems, so how are they controlled? What's the incentive for them to do anything, if they're that nihlistic. They also must not have any allegiances whatsoever to any country, so why are they willing to risk their lives for some random dude? Also, where does one get such a job? I mean, I get the contractors who do work on the station or whatever, because he's a business maginate, there's work that needs to be done, but the guys with machine guns are a little odd. I mean, were they hired specifically to kill people? Are there that many guns for hire in the world? Also, a lot of people who kill for money do so because of drug addiction or financial problems. Do all the people here have such issues? Are they just shooting up all the time? Somehow that strikes me as inefficient. Hm....

But then, things seem to be going remarkably well for them, so maybe that is the way to go.

Note to self: If you need anything seriously important done, hire drug addicts and degerate gamblers exclusively, and it'll get done.


(Let's burn these candles to the ground)

10:02pm 06/05/2007
mood: happy
I'm going to California at some point this summer!

Probably in like August or something, when my parents go to Scotland and my sister goes to camp, rather than just sit around in my house for two weeks by myself.

"Why California?" You ask. "Why, that's where my birth parents live, silly!" I respond.

My birth mother called me out of the blue yesterday, and my birth father called me out of the blue today (they haven't spoken in years)and both of them really want me to come visit.

It's nice to hear from them, because it kind of confirms my existence, you know? Like, I was the biggest mistake of their respective lives, his mother doesn't know I exist, and I messed up her life rather drastically, and because I've apparantly inherited his neurosis, it's just nice to have that confirmed.

I dunno.

ANYWAYS, I'm gonna see them this summer!



ps-I have an ear infection. It sucks.

(5 words | Let's burn these candles to the ground)